Have you ever searched for a used vehicle online? As you are aware, I have. It’s an exhausting process. After a couple hours of browsing, a number of common advertising phrases begin to annoy me—like irrationally annoy me, like beyond reason annoy me. On one level, I completely understand why car ad writers use certain catchphrases. On another level, though, I irrationally hate them. Here are the phrases along with my inner dialogue.
Ad Phrase: “The AC is cold as ice!”
Me: Have you ever touched ice?
Ad Phrase: “The transmission shifts like a dream!”
Me: Your dreams make me sad.
Ad phrase: “has potential”
Me: Great! That’s exactly what I’m looking for in a vehicle—something
that I can possibly, maybe, sorta, kinda, perhaps, someday drive—potentially.
Ad phrase: “mostly highway miles”
Me: Sure they are. Liar! I’m sure you use your car to drive exclusively
between cities whilst hopping onto your scooter every time you need to drive
within the city limits. You’re such a hipster.
When I decided to list our van for sale, I was determined to avoid all these phrases. Of course, avoiding half those phrases wasn’t going to be a problem, mainly because our transmission seemingly controlled our AC. And due to this issue, our AC—rather than being cold as ice—was cold enough to melt ice.
Josh Wood is a native of Amarillo, Texas. He and his wife, Careese, are graduates of Texas A&M University (Gig ’em). Josh went on to obtain his MBA from Baylor University (Sic ’em). Newly wedded Josh and Careese made a number of definitive statements regarding their future, including the following classics: “We’ll never move back to Amarillo.” “We’ll have three or four kids. Those kids will never throw fits in Walmart.” “We’ll never home school our children.” “Home churches are weird.”