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“Why People Suck”

Author: Abe Surde

Genre: Humor

Release Date: September 24, 2016

You’ve heard of Sigmund Freud. You’ve heard of Carl Jung. But have you heard of Abe Surde? Surde is a humorist and master mixologist who tackles, with a smile and a wink, one hundred commonly irritating and upsetting personality types seen in everyday life.

From disconcerting creeps to loudmouth louts and worrisome weirdos, Surde shares with readers his channeled theories on the origins of bad behavior and why people suck. His assemblage of wacky yet clever musings combined in a quasi-serious and silly way adds levity to a world gone mad.

This nonsensical collection amuses while simultaneously serving kernels of truth that surprisingly hit the mark. Surde’s “divine” insights will tickle your funny bone unexpectedly, the way a dramatic comedy can suddenly spark a fit of laughter, because you didn’t see it coming.

The book version of WHY PEOPLE SUCK is a great icebreaker for parties and a fun distraction for anyone disturbed by the actions of another. It’s also the perfect gift for that special someone in your life.

Note of warning for delicate readers: the book contains adult language, references to sex and drugs, but only minimally to rock and roll.

Hailing from a small conservative town in Wyoming, Abe Surde knew from an early age he was destined for something great. He packed his bags and headed for the big city lights of Cheyenne where he studied traditional bartending, learning to make such classics as the Whiskey Sour, the Sea Breeze, the Gin and Tonic, the Mai Tai, the Margarita. Once he accomplished the basics, he set his sights for more exotic libations.

He headed to New York City where he was mentored by the best and brightest bartenders in the nation. After earning his bachelors degree in bartending, he went on to do his scholarly work on drinks from the Hellenistic age, comparing the practices of each continent during that time period. He wrote his thesis on the fermentation practices of ancient times and recreated several beverages using old methods.

During his tenure as a bartender, Surde discovered his gift for therapeutic consultation. It was in the atmosphere of a darkly lit room where patrons, with a whiskey or vodka to help soften inhibitions, openly discussed their divorces, exploits, complaints, dreams, and desires.

After many hours of interactions with his troubled customers, he realized he had a knack for giving helpful advice. In time, his reputation as a therapist grew. Even non-drinkers began to seek him out. However, these extra customers upset his regular clientele. Many of the new folks also failed to follow the one-drink minimum rule, causing friction between Surde and his employers.

Some of these advice seekers were also extremely obnoxious, caustic, mean, and demanding. They came in droves, making Surde not only the most popular bartender in the area but also the most burned out. This demanding period led to serious soul-searching, a time Surde calls “the turning point” in his life.

For the next three years, Surde read psychological texts, took classes, read reports, met with therapists and psychiatrists, went on vision quests, partook of ayahuasca and peyote ceremonies, and smoked excessive quantities of super strong cannabis to understand how difficult personalities came into being.
He wanted to understand what could turn a good person into an annoying ass. Why divas are such douchebags and how bullies got made. He documented the many stories he heard and in doing so, discovered patterns to rotten behaviors that could be identified and categorized into at least a hundred different types. But what remained unanswered was: What caused these shitty behaviors in the first place?

He felt the literature available in the field failed to truly answer his questions in a meaningful way, leaving him less than satisfied but driven by a profound need to understand why people behaved badly.

Through an unexpected journey into the unconscious, Surde received divine guidance when he accidentally fell one day, hitting his head on a statue of Athena. The Greek goddess of wisdom seemed to answer his queries. From that point on, Surde was able to divine the origin for many difficult, annoying, and rotten behaviors. He became a psychological intuitive. Thus began the birth of “WHY PEOPLE SUCK: the bizarre and ridiculous underlying causes of 100 annoying behaviors.”

Seemingly ludicrous at times, Surde has nonetheless added to the extensive body of work currently available in the psychoanalytic field. By doing so, Surde has offered an alternative to the time-consuming and expensive mainstream therapist/client dynamic. His down-to-earth remedies offer quick and satisfying results that are simple and sensible.

Surde currently resides in upstate New York. He no longer bartends and spends much of his time in his garden, reading and writing next to several Athena statues he now has on his property. Yes, even in winter. Currently, he is commissioning an additional statue for his garden—a curvaceous Aphrodite. He hopes to gain insight from the goddess of love as he penetrates the depths of the female psyche.